Reasons I’m grateful for my husband

18 Jul

A lot of rage happened over the last two days. The Internet was ablaze with people angry at two stupid little boys who were cracking rape jokes on Facebook. Those two stupid little boys wrote a letter of “apology”, which was nothing but finger pointing and justification. I’m not even going to link to any of this. I’m too rage-exhausted to go through the effort of giving them more attention.

But it got me thinking about how endlessly grateful and lucky I am to have the husband I do. Here are some reasons, in the context of the last two days and the rape crisis South Africa faces, Im grateful to be married to SC:

Because he would never, ever lift a finger to harm me.

Because to him, no means no. It may sound obvious, but don’t be fooled. Countless men across the globe don’t think there is such a thigh as marital rape. And even if I am vaguely not in the mood, he doesn’t try push me, convince me, nag me.

Because he treats me like a queen, like a princess, like a president. And he treats my body like a precious gift, like a temple. He has never made me feel anything but comfortable, and loved, and respected in intimate situations.

Because he discusses things. We can debate, explain, discuss at length. And he never gets pig-headed or defensive about “angry feminists” and how boys just want to have fun and mean no harm. He always listens, and it’s rare that he hasn’t completely “gotten” what I’m saying from a feminist point of view. Not that he doesn’t challenge me in discussions, mind you.

Because if he did somehow have a moment of utter brainlessness, he would actually apologize, not write a letter explain why what he did wasn’t nearly as bad as everyone else’s outrage, and how he was a victim of public “lynching”. He would own up to his actions without reservations and justifications, accept this consequences, and try everything in his power to try right what he has done.

Because when I started talking about Anene Booysen and I burst into tears out of anger, he didn’t tell me I was being melodramatic and pathetic. He hugged me for as long as it took for me to stop crying, and told me that it was good that I was outraged. And then he prayed with me for South Africa, and then discussed how we could get involved in making a difference.

Because he would never, ever, EVER make a rape joke. Not in private, not in public, not about women, men, or children. The fact that some people even need to be told that joking about rape is wrong, floors me. But he isn’t one of them.

Because, more importantly, he’s the guy who tells the guy at the party who just made a rape joke to shut up, and why it’s wrong. It starts with education, and small steps. It takes just one guy to speak up at a braai and get his friends thinking.

SC is that guy.


4 Responses to “Reasons I’m grateful for my husband”

  1. Kirsty July 18, 2013 at 2:47 pm #

    Lucky girl

  2. Michelle Solomon (@mishsolomon) July 18, 2013 at 3:56 pm #

    You are very, very lucky to have such a wonderful being by your side. Much love and happiness to both of you.

  3. indieBerries July 19, 2013 at 5:41 am #

    Awesome post ❤

  4. midlandsmusings October 4, 2013 at 9:42 am #

    Loved this and agree with all of it. Wish all men thought like your husband (and mine)!

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